oh dear, how foolish i sound in those past few posts...(ignores fact that they are several month old)  but i guess thats what happens when you get stressed out and then have to deal with the unprecedented paranoia that creeps out of no where. Oh well least say i survived, i was by no means as screwed as i clearly thought i would be but in hindsight that does open up some questions themselves, how did i get away free of consequences, surely i should have provoked at least a response

SCREWED!!!

I am most definitely SCREWED!
There are many things which should brighten up a life yet i find myself hung up on one particular ideas that mens i am now most certainly screwed.

How far have we really come?

on a day that should have consisted of being buried deep in a sea of books related to air pumps and vacuums (its relationship to a history degree isn't worth comprehending) instead i've found myself scouring the backlog of teh internet, going through peoples old posts, old blogs, myspaces, even old facebook 'notes'. What did i find? the same people i know today. Quite a few of them have been through heartaches and had trials to endure but we have generally all survived. What, more than anything has brought me enjoyment today is reading all of the ridiculous quiz's we have posted across the web. You know the ones, Whats your favourie colour? have you ever killed someone? do you wish you were with someone else right now?  
we all did them, so you may as well accept the fact that as humans we were often more open to a bit of text on the internet then we were to the very people around us. I am amazed at how many people declared their feelings on the net, and just how many of them actually had the balls to follow through with what they wrote on the net.

Now all credit to you, you managed to grow as people, but could the same be said for us now?
Times have changed, myspace used to be a brilliant place to be idiots and make fun and joke about what was going on in our lives, yet we seem to have found ourselves somewhat isolated in the modern world. We seem to say what we mean or say nothing at all. Where was the mystery, where is the fun, what happened to us? did we lose our way or were we just caught up in the stupidity of our younger selves.

Infinite Possibilities

Humanity has always found a way for information to change hands. I should know i've just spent a week reading about it. Just as we learned to use words in conversation we learnt to write down our potential ideas. Eventual we began to have manuscripts and books and what not (Bored Yet?)

Anyway the point came when before many of us were born the internet was...created?

now although this was just for businesses and geeks at first, it has come to steal our very lives from us. And lets face it we wouldn't be online reading and writing these if we had an alternative would we?

now i admit that as a student i have become somewhat dependant on the net for everything, well i did until my course demanded books to be read that seem to exist no where else but in paper form. And the same applies to many people, the net is the ultimate resource for us, ideas and messages can be exchanged in seconds. And this is a brilliant achievement for mankind. But like all brilliant things there are those who choose to abuse it, force the rest of the world to bend to what it wants. The main culprits being news sites and social network sites, Ultimately without these the net would be rather boring unless you are well a shy and desperate person looking for some entertainment. 

Lives are lost on a daily basis, their happens are spread across the web, and yet we all submit somewhat willingly to the 'guys up above'. They have come to dictate to us how we operate in our own lives. In the past we have stood up against such actions but not today?

Why should we do this? do we not see anything wrong with the world? do we assume it is just a fad that will pass and no harm will be done? are we just happy being sheep?

what does the future hold? we dont know, but if we do not sit and moan, not a lot i'm guessing

Friends

What is a friend?
a person who you know absolutely everything about and vice versa?
a person who no matter what is going on or where you are they will be willing to listen to you?
or a person who now matter the last time you spoke to them was you can pick up exactly where you left of and carrying on life together?

no doubt there are people we all know who fit into each of those categories, because a friend can be many different things to us....

now i am a fan of these infographs, but really, has facebook really taken over so many human lives?

It would appear that i have much to say tonight. Sadly this next one is going to be rather...ranty

At 22 i find that i'm at a point in my life where i am needing...
I dont know what it is i'm needing but i can guess.

It would appear that am a very slow learner when it comes to understanding myself but at least i always get there in the end. While conversing with old friends over the holidays the topic of the future came about, now not in the sense of what the future would be like but where we would like to be, families, relationships etc
This led to comments being made, until the realisation hit most of us that we knew that within the next maybe 5 years most of us want to be getting ready to settle down. Now this is quite sad a bunch of people saying they want to be 'grown ups' by 26/27.  To me this seemed to make some sense, considering my parents were married by 25....although it did take 10 years for me to turn up.
Not the point though, i did state that i felt that i'd be looking for something of a relationship in a few years but in the mean time i was quite content to be single.  Now to many thats not an issue. The problem is, that my words would appear to have been a lie!

I am by no means a man able to speak of the intricacies of relationships and love.
But i do know enough. Long have i spent my days being very emo like writing songs and poems discussing ideas. BUT by this stage in my life i was hoping to have got beyond the writing stage. Dont get me wrong, they were productive times, i was even commissioned to write some love songs.

But alas my problem lies not with relationships but with the friendship.
Can the two ever really coexist.
Can a friend ever be more than a friend and survive?
I'm not sure, and there is the problem, while my friends talked of what they wanted i'd being denying that i'd already found what i was looking for.

Now i accept that it is possible for friends to successfully become a couple and survive, i've even seen it happen, but can a friend, who you once had a thing for then, got over, then dated you other friend then got dumped by them, be the right person to fall for again?

Most would say no, in fact my head would say no, but you trying telling that to the feeling in your gut.
Most people know they are screwed when they get butterflies when they see them, i'm long past that, i just never wanted to admit it.
So now i find myself wanting to be with my friend but needing not to.
The head and heart have never wanted the same thing.

And things would normally be simple, you decide how to act and get on with it...that is until the other friends get involved. Those little people who have a 6th sense about these things and just know that there is something going on in your life and will do anything to find out what it is. Thats fine, let them find out, what you dont need is them then trying to give you advice. Or worse just laughing at you.

The friends therefore become a nuisance and puts a strain on the friendships.

That of course is incomparable to the greatest threat to any sanity...The sibling!

These creatures are far more sensitive to changes about you, but equally far more of a pain.

Without any knowledge of what on earth is going on in your life the sibling sets about on a preplanned path of torture, sly comments, innuendos, idiotic looks, just plan irritating.


so can a friend ever be more than a friend? i dont know, and if i'm honest i really dont care at the moment.
Life is too short to sit and wonder, Life is about living and not always looking 2 steps either way.
I shall therefore forget about this and get on with life for the time being. There are far greater joys than the dispute between head and heart